A Prayer For My Dad

Blessed art thou, Lord our God, who hast granted us life and sustenance and permitted us to reach this season.

If you look in a traditional Hebrew prayer book, you’ll find this prayer (it’s called the Shehechiyanu) listed with the following introductory statement:

On tasting fruit for the first time in the season.

So why would I say this now, so soon after my father passed away? Well, for starters, this is my father’s favorite prayer, so I say it to honor him.

There’s more to this prayer than being thankful for tasting a piece of fruit. It has do do with life in general, and being thankful for the life we’ve been granted. We are blessed to be here. And we need to pause for a moment every once in a while and take a look around, soak in the beauty of our surroundings and think about the joy we have in our lives.

The Shehechiyanu reminds us to live in this moment. We should not focus on the future, but on the here and now. Being alive is a gift in and of itself. Enjoy the time you have with your loved ones while they are here. Forget the small stuff, set aside life’s daily annoyances and focus on what’s important.

My dad told me this was his favorite prayer when we were alone in his hospital room at Johns Hopkins last February. Even though his body was wracked with pain and it was a struggle just to get out of bed and walk five laps of the cancer ward (about 400 meters total, if that), he was able to rejoice in the fact that he was alive.

He raised a glass of grape juice, said the prayer (it is, however, not the traditional blessing for grape juice or wine), had me repeat it with him, and then — wistfully — looked out the window. He smiled. He was truly thankful for the gift of life, despite the cancer that was doing its damndest to beat him down.

It was a powerful moment for me. One I hope never to forget. My dad was many things to many people — for many he was a brilliant physicist — but in that one moment he taught me more about life than he ever had before.

My dad lost his battle a week ago, and it’s not been an easy time adjusting to life without him. After he got sick, we used to talk on the phone every day. Usually as I was on my way home from work, often while driving by Lake Michigan, enjoying the beautiful view. It’s strange now, not being able to lift up the phone and tell my dad what exciting things are happening in my life, or talk about politics, or just shoot the breeze.

There’s many things I’ll miss about him, but what my dad taught me last February gives me the appreciation for the good fortune I have to be alive and in this world. And it helps give me the strength to carry on.

Such is the power of one simple prayer.