Lance Armstrong, Superhacker?

Tabloid newspapers are well known for their outrageous stories. Think, for a moment, about the kinds of stories that inhabit the pages of The National Enquirer, The Star or any of the assortment of scandal sheets that scream wild headlines at you while you wait to check out of the grocery store.

The sports world is no stranger to newspapers and magazines that spout the occasional conspiracy theory, some of them worthy of an Oliver Stone movie. Frequently they come from such pillars of journalism as L’Equipe. At least, when it comes to the subject of American pro bicycle racers.

Sometimes these wild-haired conspiracy theories come from otherwise “respected” news outlets. Like LeMonde (no, not Greg, he spells his name without the extra “e” at the end) which published a story that claims the person who hacked into LNDD and sent out all those embarrassing documents is none other than — get this — Lance Armstrong.

Right. And I’ll be happy to sell you the Brooklyn Bridge or the Golden Gate Bridge, too. Just make sure to pay me in unmarked 10s and 20s.

LeMonde says that while French police still don’t have a clue as to who broke into LNDD’s computers (perhaps no one?), and certainly no evidence to suspect Armstrong, it’s possible Armstrong is the culprit, presumably trying to help Floyd Landis win his anti-doping case. LeMonde makes this argument because they claim to have testimony from the lawsuit between Armstrong and the insurance company which didn’t want to pay Armstrong the bonus he was due for winning his sixth Tour back in 2004. Testimony that Armstrong had hacked into a couple of AOL accounts and into his ex-wife’s computer.

Apparently, LeMonde’s information says that Betsy Andreu testified that she suspected that Armstrong had hacked into her AOL account because she received a message when logging on to AOL on March 31, 2005 that said her account was already in use. Apparently, the same thing happened to Frankie the following day.

The article claims that Armstrong believed Frankie was one of the sources for the book L.A. Confidential. If I’m understanding the machine translation correctly, that’s because someone — perhaps Betsy — gave information to the authors about Betsy overhearing Lance in 1996, while he was being treated for cancer, tell some doctors that he had taken performance enhancing drugs some years before.

The article goes on to say that Betsy Andreu claims she was told by Stephanie McIlvain that Lance had hacked into his ex-wife’s computer during their divorce proceedings and that everything Armstrong’s ex-wife typed on her computer was sent straight to Lance.

According to the article, when the access problem occurred for Frankie and Betsy, they had their attorney contact AOL to obtain the IP address of the person who was using their accounts at the times when they were denied access. AOL refused to cooperate, according to the article, and the Andreus were unable to prove Armstrong was the one who hacked into their accounts.

One thing is true: Lance Armstrong fights hard to maintain his reputation, including suing those people who publish outlandish, unproven speculation about his training techniques or racing methods. Like the authors of L.A. Confidential, who Armstrong sued for libel in the UK. Armstrong won, forcing a large payment from the two authors and their publisher.

I’m sure that if he felt someone was a threat, he would find ways of protecting himself from that threat. But the idea that he’s hacked into other computers or other people’s AOL accounts is a pretty big stretch. Especially when the accusation comes from someone whose testimony was discredited in the very lawsuit LeMonde’s article mentions.

Although Betsy Andreau believes she heard Lance tell his doctors he had doped, no one else in the room — including the doctors — corroborated her story. Frankie backs her up, but Frankie is a good man who loves his wife. I’m sure that if she were in a fight with someone, he’d take her side. I’d be surprised if he didn’t.

Maybe it’s me, but the idea that Armstrong hacked into the computers at LNDD and magically found documents about cases of embarrassing mistakes at the lab which he then mailed to various journalists and organizations sounds pretty ridiculous. I don’t know how well Lance speaks or reads French, but I can’t imagine him having or taking the amount of time that would be needed to find these documents.

I mean, does Lance even know or care about the World Squash Federation? Is he some sort of closet squash player, and we’ve never known about it? I know he protects his privacy, but I’ve got to believe that kind of tidbit would get out. And the same for the International Alpinism organization. Lance follows competitive mountain climbing? Heck, how many people knew such an organization existed before all these revelations?

Swimming, I can understand. As a former triathlete, Lance knows swimming. But would he know about certain swimmers being sanctioned by the French Swimming Federation? I think not.

No, LeMonde is looking in the wrong place for the LNDD Hacker. The answer is probably much closer to home. Like a current or ex-LNDD employee who may be bothered that LNDD constantly makes mistakes and suffers no consequences. Or perhaps this person is bothered by the Landis case and how the lab has handled the matter, from the initial work to the findings and on up to the current time. Certainly, someone like that would know where all the bodies are buried.

But, realistically, a story like that won’t sell newspapers. A story claiming the Lance Armstrong is a superhacker, on the other hand, will sell a boatload of papers — especially in a country where he’s been pretty well villified over the years.

I don’t think they’ve really done their homework too well at LeMonde. This wild-haired story is unlikely to become a major motion picture any time soon. Famous bike racer turned superhacker to save a friend’s reputation. I think even Oliver Stone would turn down that pitch.