The Commercial

Every once in a while, to keep from getting so worked up I’ll explode (and it’s not a pretty site, let me tell you), I need to veer off topic and hopefully inject a bit of humor into the proceedings.

So tonight, I’m going to side-step the John Lelangue story (and other stories floating around my brain) briefly. I may come back to the Lelangue in a day or so. I have a couple of other rants brewing, too. But before I put those out, let’s revisit Sport Utes on Dope for a moment.

Tonight, for your amusement, is Rant’s take on a commercial for the VW Touareg, which contains secret Off-Road German Technology that may be illegal in racing circles … at least according to VW’s print ad.

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Fade In

Background music: Instrumental track of The Tubes’ “White Punks On Dope”.

A group of SUVs races through the desert. The lead vehicle is a VW Touareg, but the other SUVs are nipping at his heels. They race over hills, through a mostly dry river bed, through narrow passages, and finally they emerge into a wide open area with all the drivers gunning it for the finish line. The Touareg crosses first and does a wide, sweeping slide sending sand spraying in the faces of his competitors.

A group of somber-faced men in white coveralls approach the Touareg and wait as the driver gets out of the vehicle. As he takes off his helmet, we see that it’s Floyd Landis.

“Uh-oh,” Landis deadpans, looking into the camera.

The men in coveralls grab him and lead him away. As they’re leaving, we see the backs of their coveralls, with the words “Doping Control”.

As they move further away from the camera, Floyd can be heard saying, “But it wasn’t me! It was the SUV!”

Music comes up, with lyrics now: “We’re Sport Utes On Dope”

Fade to VW logo and the text, “Touareg. Sport Utes On Dope.”

Fade out.

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Memo to Crispin Porter (VW’s Ad Agency): Contact me if you want to use this idea.

[I know, “Don’t quit your day job.”]