Welcome back my friends to the show that never ends
We’re so glad you could attend, come inside, come inside
There behind a glass stands a real blade of grass
Be careful as you pass, move along, move along
– Emerson, Lake and Palmer, “Karn Evil 9 (1st Impression, Part 2)”
Step right up to the Big Top, folks! We’ve got a three-ring show for you unlike anything you’ve ever seen before. Step right up! Cotton candy for everyone.
Over here in the first ring, there’s a bicycle race. Watch the ProTour cyclists battle it out brought to you in Technicolor — except in Germany.
Come inside, the show’s about to start
Guaranteed to blow your head apart
Rest assured you’ll get your money’s worth
The greatest show in Heaven, Hell or Earth
You’ve got to see the show, it’s a dynamo
You’ve got to see the show, it’s rock and roll, oh
In the middle, we’ve got the spotlight on our scapegoat. Yes, last year we had Lance Armstrong. And as great as our previous scapegoat was, we’ve got an even better one for you this year. This year, for your viewing pleasure, we introduce our new scapegoat — Floyd Landis! Yep, the light is bright and it’s awfully hot, and it might even burn him. Keep that light shining brightly on him, Joe, we’ve got a show to run.
Right before your eyes see the laughter from the skies
And he laughs until he cries, then he dies, then he dies
In the third ring are the cats. No they’re not really lions and tigers, they’re just a bunch of house cats. Don’t look too closely, and don’t get too close. They might be hungry! Pay no attention to the roaring folks. That’s Dick Pound, he likes to think he’s the biggest and baddest of the cats. Don’t get to close, he might claw your eyes out.
Soon the Gypsy Queen in a glaze of vaseline
Will perform on guillotine, what a scene, what a scene
On the high wire, performing acrobatics, we’ve got the Fickle Fingers Of Fate. They’re the most fabulous acrobats you’ve ever seen — even if they do look like cyclists on a tightrope. And make sure you keep an eye out for Elvis, our dancing bear. He’ll be the one in the pink tutu.
Next upon the stand will you please extend a hand
To Alexander’s Ragtime Band, Dixieland, Dixieland
Is that an elephant in the back of the tent? No. Not at all folks. There’s no elephant there.
Now as you’re leaving folks, steer clear of the Bearded Lady’s tent. Rumor has it that something ugly is happening in there, and it involves Pat McQuaid, Christian Prudhomme and Patrick Lefevre. It’s not for the faint of heart.
Performing on a stool we’ve a sight to make you drool
Seven virgins and a mule, keep it cool, keep it cool
It’s the best show that will ever pass this way folks. It’s one of a kind.
We would like it to be known the exhibits that were shown
Were exclusively our own, all our own, all our own
Indeed they are. Courtesy of an idea from Mrs. Rant. With all that’s been happening over the last year, doesn’t it seem like the world of cycling has become more like a circus?
Come and see the show, come and see the show
Come and see the show
See the show
Great post! Unfortunately the whole doping circus in cycling has a lot to do with politics between the UCI, WADA and race promoters. Doping is a problem and things need cleaned up but there’s a lot of funny stuff going on.
UltraRob,
There is a lot of funny stuff happening behind the scenes. And I’m afraid we don’t even know the half of it. Doping is a problem that needs to be solved, no doubt about it. But the rest of the system needs to be beyond reproach, too — and it’s got a long way to go before it will be.
– Rant
With the crap Rasmussen is going thru; I’ve got the feeling that the UCI is up to something evil. And the story from the other cyclist from 2002; why do they always come out with the story, and never any evidence. He wasn’t going to turn in Rasmussen(the alleged doper) wanted the story to be told, but no names….Sounds to me, that his biggest fear was what would happen to him if customs found the stuff. That sounds reasonable to me, I’d be worried too. But he wasn’t so outraged at the time, that he turned Michael in. And that was 2002. The pledge was signed for this Tour. Not June of 2007, and not 5years ago. UCI has some REAL problems that don’t look to being any better as time goes by. I think, if I raced, I would be happy racing right here in North America. Somehow, it seems less circus-y.
And I loved your post, Rant!